oregon mysticism

Julian of Norwich got sick and saw God
Sixteen times. She discovered the all-love
of the Lord and slept

on the cobble-stoned, mouse-
dropping floor of an English cathedral.
When I am sick, I

vomit mucous and yellow bile. I fall
asleep on dirty pine-needled carpet and dream
of boys who aren’t themselves, boys

with feathers and claws, whose
pretty beaked noses brush
my neck, whose eyes burn with ancient

fire. When I wake up
there are spiders dead in my hand.
None of it means anything.